What Is the Gottman Method? A Therapist’s Guide to Strengthening Relationships
If you and your partner are feeling disconnected, stuck in a cycle of arguments or unsure how to rebuild trust, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. Most couples hit rough patches and sometimes those patterns can feel too big to shift on your own.
As a therapist who works with couples all over California, I often use the Gottman Method—a research based approach that helps partners understand each other better, communicate more effectively and build lasting emotional connection.
In this post I’ll explain what the Gottman Method is, how it works in therapy and what to expect if we work together using this model.
What Is the Gottman Method?
Developed by psychologists Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the Gottman Method is one of the most widely studied and respected frameworks for couples therapy. It’s based on over 40 years of research with thousands of couples, including those who’ve stayed together and those who didn’t.
What sets it apart is that it’s not just theoretical—it’s grounded in real-life observations of what makes relationships thrive and what causes them to fall apart.
What We Focus On in Gottman-Informed Therapy
In our sessions, we’ll focus on helping you:
Improve communication by learning tools to reduce defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling
Understand and repair conflict patterns so you can move from disconnection to emotional safety
Build or rebuild trust—especially after breaches like infidelity or betrayal
Strengthen your friendship and emotional intimacy as the foundation of your relationship
Create shared meaning through rituals, values, and dreams for the future
Many couples I work with are high-functioning in other areas of life—but they still find themselves triggered, misunderstood, or emotionally stuck in their relationships. This is especially common for those with attachment wounds, trauma histories, or a deep fear of abandonment.
The Gottman Method gives us a structured way to untangle these patterns—with empathy, clarity, and a roadmap for real change.
What a Session Might Look Like
Here’s what working together often involves:
A thorough relationship assessment to understand your strengths, challenges, and communication patterns
Weekly or bi-weekly 50-minute sessions focused on both healing and skill-building
Specific exercises (like the Gottman “Love Maps” or “Dreams Within Conflict”) to deepen emotional connection
Tools you can use outside of sessions to keep growing together
Therapy isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s about creating a safe space where both partners can be seen, heard, and supported—without shame or blame.
The Sound Relationship House, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, outlines the core building blocks of a healthy, lasting relationship—like trust, commitment, emotional connection, and conflict management. As a Gottman-trained couples therapist, I use this framework to help partners reconnect, communicate more effectively, and rebuild trust.
Who Can Benefit from Gottman-Informed Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy with a Gottman lens can be especially helpful if:
You feel emotionally distant but want to reconnect
You're stuck in cycles of arguing or avoiding
You’re recovering from infidelity or betrayal
You’re navigating a life transition (moving, kids, career changes)
You want to strengthen your relationship before marriage or cohabitation
Whether you’re in crisis or simply want to invest in your connection, couples therapy can be a powerful place to reset and rebuild.
Ready to Begin Couples Therapy in California?
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, I offer virtual therapy for couples across California. My work is grounded in attachment-based, psychodynamic care, with a strong foundation in Gottman Method Couples Therapy.
You deserve a relationship where both of you feel safe, supported, and deeply known. If you’re ready to start that journey, I’d love to help.
👉 Schedule a free consultation or learn more about my approach to couples therapy here.