Even strong relationships can feel strained when old emotional patterns start running the show. You may notice the same arguments repeating, one of you shutting down while the other pushes harder, or a growing distance that leaves you feeling more like roommates than partners.

For many couples, these moments are not just about communication. They are connected to deeper attachment needs, early relational experiences, and protective patterns learned long before this relationship began.

Whether you are navigating betrayal, feeling emotionally disconnected, or struggling to feel understood by your partner, couples therapy can help you slow down, understand what is happening beneath the surface, and begin rebuilding connection in a more secure way.

Meet your couples therapist

I’m Zoe Spears, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, offering online couples therapy across California. I work with couples who feel caught in painful cycles that leave them feeling gridlocked, overwhelmed and drained and help you to find your way out.

My role is to help you understand the emotional meaning underneath conflict so you can feel regulated and secure in your relationships and move from blame and defensiveness toward curiosity, repair and deeper connection. I believe the most important part of therapy is finding a therapist who feels like a good fit for YOU, which is why I offer a free 15 min consultation as a risk-free way to see how you feel before committing to the process. Book your free consultation here.

Signs It Might Be Time for Couples Therapy

Couples often reach out when they feel stuck in:

• Arguments that escalate quickly or never feel resolved and are often reoccuring

• Emotional distance, loneliness, or lack of intimacy

• One partner pursuing while the other withdraws

• Feeling triggered in ways that seem bigger than the situation itself

• Trust ruptures or infidelity that feels hard to move through

• A sense of “we’ve grown apart”

• Life transitions, such as parenting, career changes, or moving that increase stress or disconnection

• Fear of conflict that leads to silence and avoidance

• A sense that childhood experiences or past relationships are affecting how you relate now

  
  You do not have to wait until things feel unfixable. Therapy can be a proactive space to understand each other more deeply and build a more secure emotional foundation

My Approach: Gottman-Informed and Attachment-Focused

As a therapist trained in the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy I use evidence-based tools to help couples:

• Learn how to communicate without blame, defensiveness or shutting down

• Manage conflict (a normal part of all relationships) in healthy and productive ways and become un-gridlocked

• Rebuild trust after hurt or betrayal

• Deepen emotional intimacy and understanding

• Strengthen the friendship at the core of your relationship

  
  Alongside these tools, we explore how early attachment experiences and relational trauma may shape how each of you responds to stress, closeness, and vulnerability.

  Many couples discover that what looks like anger, withdrawal, or criticism is actually a protective response learned earlier in life. When these patterns are understood with compassion rather than judgment, real change becomes possible.

  Rather than focusing only on surface behaviors, our work looks at:

  • Emotional triggers linked to childhood experiences

  • Attachment styles and nervous system responses in conflict

  • Protective strategies such as shutdown, defensiveness, or over-functioning

  • How past hurts influence present connection

  Together, we create a treatment plan that supports both insight and practical change so you can feel more emotionally safe with each other.

What to Expect in Couples Therapy

We begin with a collaborative assessment process to understand your relationship history, current challenges, and individual attachment patterns.

From there, sessions may include:

• Slowing down conflict to understand underlying attachment needs

• Emotionally safe dialogue using Gottman-informed structure

• Identifying recurring relational cycles and triggers

• Repair strategies that rebuild emotional safety

• Exercises inspired by the Gottman Sound Relationship House

• Support for healing trust after infidelity or betrayal

• Guidance in reconnecting emotionally and physically at a pace that feels sustainable

The goal is not to eliminate conflict but to help you feel more secure, understood, and emotionally connected even when hard conversations arise.

FAQ’S